In the News is glad to hear that money has changed hands. He might be one of the most powerful men in the music industry, and therefore likely to be able to get his hands on some VIP tickets for nothing, but how are the friends and relatives of Guardian staff going to get in if Cowell takes all the freebies?
"The news will amaze modern music fans," continues the Star, "who write off Shaky as uncool. But it was no surprise to the rocker himself - real name Michael Barratt." Surely the point is that those who write off "real name Michael Barratt" are also unlikely to believe that Cowell sets the bar for hipness? In case you were wondering, In the News thinks that they're both really, really cool.
Celine Dion has between 2,000-3,000 pairs of shoes. It's true, the Sun quotes her as saying as much. "My hobbies are shopping and golfing," she says. "I own between two and three thousand pairs of shoes."
Imagine being so rich and up to your eyes in shoes that there's a discrepancy of up to 1000 in your estimation of how many pairs you actually own. Celine appears to be the Imelda Marcos of the Noughties. Though she has not yet revealed plans to rule over the Philippines.
The Star is reporting that "whacked-out Amy" is set to hit the catwalks this spring, as a model for British designer Julien Macdonald. They may call her a "druggie pop wreck" and "Mrs Mopp" but Macdonald has other ideas: "She's an amazing talent, isn't she? She's unique." That she is.
The Star isn't happy about this, and not simply because the paper disapproves of Winehouse's current fashion of "tutu skirts", which, frankly, we've never seen her wear. The problem lies in the fact that by tottering down the catwalk, Winehouse automatically becomes a figure of aspiration in the highly suggestible minds of young women.
"Some fashionistas fear the decision means fans will try to copy her trashy togs in a bid to appear hip." Never mind the skeletal figure and chronic drug use, think about the effect Winehouse could have on fashion! Oh, the horror.
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